And today upon waking– this was the song in my head:
Fellow children of the 80s might recognize this as a still from the video for “No More Words”, an awesome song by the new wave pop group called Berlin. Used to love it and loved this video too.
At first I thought to myself, “Okay…this is just utterly random….” Then I let the rest of the song play in my mind:
You’re tellin me you love me while you’re looking away…
At which point it clicked. A brilliant little message from my unconscious: mixed messages. I had been processing something which happened the night before. I had gone to a certain restaurant for dinner and didn’t have the greatest experience. In retrospect, I realize they didn’t want to serve me. They didn’t come out and say this though, it was all done indirectly. Something just felt off. I was like– Weird, why did they do that? And then why did they do that? What is this feeling I”m getting? Sadly, I am slow on the uptake on things such as this. So it took me a while to process it and allow myself to admit what was really going on.
Can’t say I blame them, necessarily. I was underdressed, and– tho we didn’t know this til we got there– it is definitely a place where people go to be seen. I entered the place sporting flip flops, unpedicured toes, a sweaty face from walking so long to get there on a very humid Seoul night, and frustratingly unruly hair held down under an old lady turban– like the kind Joan Crawford used to wear driving around Hollywood in her Cadillac, after her famously glossy locks started thinning & turning white. Mind you, I don’t have the remarkable facial structure nor a fraction of the striking beauty Ms. Crawford did, so I’m not exactly pulling this look off with flying colors. But in my defense, I have been going about like this for most of the summer, without any major issues as far as I could tell….
Anyway, it was clearly a miscalculation on this particular night, at this particular place. And the way the hostess and then the waitress conveyed this to me was a fascinating study in body language, mixed messages, and general indirect communication of strong feeling. Can you say “welcome” with your words while conveying a leery, unwelcoming feeling? That’s what they did. Can you say, “please have a seat” to someone while conveying the wish that he or she would leave? Yeah, that’s what happened.
Like I said, I don’t blame them. And the truth is, I wasn’t following my intuition, which had been whispering pretty loudly to me that I shouldn’t go there. But I was determined for some reason. For a few reasons. At this point I am reviewing it as an exercise in understanding. Because their mixed messages were actually pretty clever, and it’s interesting to contemplate why they chose the particular push/pull behaviors that they did.
I’ll write more about it & break it down tomorrow. Time to step away from the computer right now…..